Today, the monster in me came out. How is it possible that the most beautiful, angelic, loveable and sweet baby can bring such an ugly side of me to the surface? Dimitri did not sleep at all today, except for a 15 minute power nap that ended in screaming and wailing. I did my best to be patient. We went out for lunch, I played with him, we came back home, I patiently awaited signals that said: “Mama, it’s time for bed now”. Alas, 2:00 rolled around and still nothing. I struggled for two hours trying to convince Dimitri of the importance of sleep. In the meantime, he was caught between two moods – 1) This is the most terrible crib in the world, I feel tortured and I will cry so loud I will scare the neighbours, and 2) Hey, this crib is kinda fun. Check out that sleep sheep in the corner, let me play with him and show him just how cute I am.

I lost my cool. I lost my patience. I lost every ounce of sanity I had left. Who would have thought that a 20-something pound baby can torment you like that? I will not speak of the actions and words that came out of me at times today. I am too ashamed to write them down, where they will forever remain real. But here’s how it ended: Dimitri finally fell asleep in my arms. Right before falling asleep, he looked up at me with the saddest most beautiful eyes and these pouty lips. He closed his eyes and leaned on me, comforted to be in my arms. And I cried, and cried and cried. I asked him to forgive me so many times. I stared at this little peaceful being sleeping and realized that I am a terrible mother at times. This is the beginning of the many mistakes I will make as a mom. I can only hope that my son will forgive me as easily in the future as he did today. I hope that he can always find comfort in his mother’s arms, even when his mother lets him down.