To my dearest son, Dimitri,

I am sorry for making life a little difficult for you.

I am sorry about making you wear a constraining snowsuit.

I am sorry that car seats were made so uncomfortable.

I am sorry that Quebec streets are filled with potholes and I somehow land in all of them.

I am sorry I keep you awake, even when you are sleepy.

I am sorry I sometimes don’t pick you up right away, because I love to hear your little cries.

I am sorry that I don’t always get what your cries mean.

I am sorry that I let other people hold you, even if you are sometimes scared.

I am sorry I run you around town, when some days you just want to stay home and take it easy.

I am sorry I make you have tummy time, even though you hate it.

I am sorry that I take your hands out of your mouth, even though they provide you comfort (but you just bite down too hard and then it hurts you!!!)

I am sorry if your ears are sometimes polluted with horrible music.

I am sorry that I am not always fully present. I know that you feel me when I drift off, thinking of a million things. This is what I am most sorry for. You are my world. You are the second love of my life after your father. I thank you for showing me what unconditional love really is.

I will love you even if you choose to crossdress, become ultra religious, become a conservative, fall in love with someone that I don’t like, and anything else you throw my way. I will love you even if you choose to hate me. I will love you NO MATTER WHAT! I promise you this Dimitri. I hope this will make up for all the mistakes I may make along the way raising you. Please know that I don’t intend on messing this up, but who knows? We all think that our parents messed us up somehow. I just hope you know that my intentions are to love you unconditionally and to accept you for whoever you choose to be one day.

With all my love,

Your mother

On this very special day, George and I woke up nice and early to meet our baby for the first time. I was just shy of 20 weeks pregnant when we first saw the little cutie. Crazy feeling! The ultrasound lasted approximately 10 minutes (of heaven) and we found out that everything is a-ok. We are having a little BOY!

I have attached the pictures little guy, so that one day you can look at them when you’re all grown up. Here they are… BABY’S ULTRASOUND

On April 11, 2010, we had the extreme joy of hearing our baby’s heartbeat for the very first time. I was 13 ½ weeks at the time and George had the pleasure of looking for it, using the very effective Doppler Fetal Monitor.

It was the most AWESOME experience, hearing that rapid heartbeat and knowing that there is a life growing inside of you. We will remember it forever…

Baby’s Heartbeat – 13.5 weeks

Dear embryo,

This is my first entry to you. I realize that I have so much to say to you and you’re not even a fetus yet. I am currently 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I already understand the meaning of being a mother. I feel incredibly responsible for your well-being. I try to eat as healthy and as much as possible, even though I am so very nauseous. I take my vitamins, I read my pregnancy books, I stress about miscarriage risks, and I wonder what it’s like for you in there. You are currently the size of half a dime. That is SMALL! I am so protective of you because you must be fragile in there! When your father leans on me, I make sure he doesn’t put too much pressure on my belly. When I feel a cramp, I try to adjust my position because I think it must be you telling me you’re not comfortable. When I feel tired, I tell myself that is great, because you are taking all my energy.

I really look forward to meeting you, loving you, teaching you, holding you and admiring you. I am making a promise to you on this very day – February 22, 2010. I promise you that I will NEVER stifle you or hold you back from your dreams. It is easy for parents to give their children guilt trips, to have expectations of them and conditions. I will have none of these things. I will do my very best to set you free as early as possible and let you live your life’s purpose.

Your father and I are responsible for creating you. Our love for one another has created this brand new soul – a piece of God. You are the product of our love and I look forward to seeing you. I already know that you will hold all the inner and outer beauty of this world and I am already very proud of you. You are strong and I am certain that you will be a rebellious, free spirit.

I love you little embryo. May this be the beginning of a very beautiful relationship.